On any given day I can find myself feeling irritated by the fact that I have to get up before I would like to because one, or more, of my children is awake and ready for breakfast. More times than I care to admit I have gotten angry at my children for not catering to me and my needs. I have been desperate for a break and have imagined myself running away. (Now you know why I run) I have wondered why on earth God ever thought I could be a parent and really, four kids! In all of this I have forgotten one key element. Me. I have a responsibility, and a choice, for how I react, respond and view my life. I can choose to be irritated when one of the kids needs me to change my plans or I can view it as a chance to minister to them and be changed by God's endless Glory. It is amazing how the temperature of the day changes when I am able to step away from myself and see someone or something else. As with all humans I am flawed and unable to achieve the perfect attitude and feelings everyday but I have been able to change the way I view circumstances.
Another thing that I have been working on is this feeling of being content and happy. I wonder how much of feeling discontent is part of human nature and how much is conditioning. I asked my mom to send along a magazine that I subscribe to. I found as I started reading it that the feelings of discontent about my body and my "newness" in running began to surface. The other magazine I read had an article about being happy. I am guilty of thinking something I buy will somehow make me happy. And it might for a little while but then I am back where I started. There is a strange wheel I run that causes me to wonder what its all about. Do I go without for the sake of my family? Or do I splurge and then feel guilty later? This will certainly make me happy, I know it! Well, that was a little anticlimactic... I am now on a mission to be content and remember that the world does not revolve around me. There are so many things that can brings happiness and contentment that don't need to be purchased. Listening to Zoe sing is one of them.
Yesterday the girls and I met up with the boys, their brother and their dad at the elephant orphanage. It was fun to see the baby elephants rolling around in the mud and playing with each other. There was a group of school kids that were also visiting the elephants. After the kids became disinterested, as kids often do, the four little white kids became the attraction. There was a group that got bigger and bigger as the minutes rolled on. Each kid wanted to shake hands with ours and exchange names. I watched as Milo soaked it all up. The girls, however, were more reluctant and attitudinal towards the attention.
A few weeks ago my husband bought his first suit. For our wedding he wore some khaki slacks and a button up shirt. I thought he looked handsome! A short time later I saw him for the first time in a tux. He did not wear it long. This suit was purchased because the possibility of getting in to certain areas for research could greatly increase if he really looked official. His efforts, and the suit, have already paid off.
The last few days have brought some awesome weather to Nairobi. For about four days it was quite warm, which made the nights slightly unbearable. Then the clouds rolled in and the heavens poured down! The first storm brought pea sized hail, lightning and thunder, not to mention sheets of rain. Last night I was awakened by the crash of more thunder and the pounding of the rain outside. I love storms like that!
This week we have also seen God's provision in ways I have not seen before. It is an awesome reminder that we are His and we are in His plan. I continue to be amazed at how He works and I look forward to what He has planned for the future. I think all the change and suffering is well worth it! In conclusion I have come to realize that my happiness and contentment rest in the Lord. I can choose my reaction and how I relate to life and most times it is not on my own strength.
I am blessed by all of you in my life. Thank you for bearing with me as I lumber through life and the writing process. Next week we celebrate Zoe's second birthday. A few days later I will run my race. I hope this finds you well. God Bless!
Hi Peggi. Hope I spelled your name right this time. Finally figured out how to post a comment here. There was something wrong with our cookies. Disabled, I think. Anyway, I enabled 'em, which is a good thing in this case.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying following your blog. Didn't even know your family was out of the country until Gary told me a few weeks ago. I've been praying for the Casady Clan for 20 years and counting whenever I hear the wild geese flying overhead. We live in a fly-way, so during certain times of the year Weasel, et al, come to mind often. (The 'Goose List,' by the way, is a short one, solely dedicated to the Casadys.)
Seeing your pictures made me miss your family. I've know Weasel since he was about six. The first time Gary took him bow hunting with us--keep in mind that he was not yet christened 'Weasel'--Brian wore one of his dad's camo hunting shirts every day of the trip. I think he even slept in the thing. The hem of the shirt hit him about mid-calf. He was pretty dang cute!
No geese in the air right now, but I'm gonna break with tradition and pray for you guys anyway. Give the Weaster a hug for me. He's one of my favorite people on the planet. And may God continue to give you His grace--enough for you with plenty left over for the people around you. Bless you... ~Tim Rohrer
P.S. The openness in your posts is a gift to all of us who are reading them. I'd like to respond in kind, if I may. Every so often God puts a question in my mind that, once I get up the courage to ask it, leads me to answers that spread wide and deep to touch the hidden parts of me, first exposing and then healing blind spots I didn't know I had. One of these 'God-questions' happened about two weeks ago. It came in the form of a prayer: "Lord, show me what it's like to be married to me..."
ReplyDeleteI won't go into the specifics of the answers--there have been several so far--except to share one general example. I was being a typical guy and said something that hurt my wife's feelings. When I saw the light go out of her eyes, I apologized. Later, I sent her a text and apologized again. She responded by sending this text: "Of course I forgive you, my dear husband, but you are a mind-boggling mixture of hero and bonehead!"
She made me laugh, but God spoke through her words.
One other thing... You mentioned in one of your posts that you tend to be shy/reserved and do better in one-on-one situations (or something to that effect). Peggi, don't ever underestimate the impact you can have on an individual life. I thought I lost my 'ministry' once, and found myself asking God to show me what I should do while I was waiting to get it back. He spoke to my heart and said, "Open your heart, open your home and love the people I send to you."
I 'lost' something only to find something better. It's people who matter! And I still can't help noticing that they seem to show up one at a time. : )
Hello from the neighborhood! Nice temp. renters, good to have some youngsters again. Just wanted you to know your postcard came - what a fun surprise!, thank you!
ReplyDeleteLove reading about the kids and their experiences, and wow!, Brian does look good in a suit! :-) Even though the girls seem to be not acclimating well, I really think their lasting memories of this adventure will be positive. Happy birthday to Zoe!!
And from the previous comments, we now know why the title of the blog!
Raising a family is not easy under the best of circumstances - and you have huge additional challenges right now. I once thought I'd never have a hot meal again (obviously we had our kids before microwaves!). Just keep in mind, always, "This too shall pass." In hindsight, most people will say it passes too quickly, so through the (sometimes) agony, all you can do is pray for patience and accept the love. It's the only thing that lasts.
Hey. I am catching up on all your posts tonight. I seriously love all your thoughtfulness about life. You know I am in a similar boat when it comes to staying at home with kids. I appreciate your reflections on it. I think we are hearing many similar things from the Holy Spirit right now about life and what matters. So that's cool.
ReplyDelete