A Bright Christmas 2

Early Thursday morning we packed up the rig, and the kids and headed over to pick up Beth and Mwende. We made the trek out to Ukambani with everyone full of excitement. On the drive out I was struck once again by the difference in lifestyles here and in the US. We take for granted how easy our lives are. I was in awe of the people and the women who work from before dawn to after dusk in order to keep life moving for their families. We arrived that afternoon and were greeted by Mutysia, his parents and his two sisters. The kids quickly ran about and started exploring. Mwanza and Mutisya had gone to get rope in order make tire swings for the kids.

This trip was both a wonder and a challenge for me. More and more I am coming to realize that I am a very privileged and selfish person. I try desperately to convince myself I am a strong, bold and brave person. In reality I am insecure, timid and weak. I found myself struggling not with the things one might think, like no electricity, no running water, an outhouse, spit baths and sleeping in a tiny room with spiders and other bugs. (Though the last one was a little challenging.) What I found more challenging was coming in to a situation where everyone knows each other. I found it challenging to sit in on a conversation that was spoken in Swahili. I don't know the language yet so it makes it difficult to contribute. I was challenged by feeling like I was not doing anything and therefore contributing to the notion that white people are lazy and don't really do manual labor. I struggled with not knowing what was acceptable and unacceptable behavior for me and my children. Zoe was not feeling well and had little appetite. She was crabby and clingy and everyone kept asking what she would like to eat and what was wrong. I was then challenged by feeling like we had become a drain on them and their resources. It was the most uncomfortable I had felt as company in a long time and by no fault of our hosts. It all stemmed from my selfishness and self absorption. I only hope I haven't caused too much offense. I would like to take from this a new perspective and hopefully change my persona.

Like I said there was also a lot of good that came from this trip. When Brian and I had come to Kenya before he took me out to Mulango, where he grew up. This trip we took the kids out to the house where Brian grew up. We also took the Munyokis to see the house they had lived in so many years ago. For Mama it was the first time she had been back since they had left.

We had several visitors while we were out in "the bush". The kids spent a few hours with the tortoise until he made his escape.

Brian recently bought a piki or for the rest of us a motorbike. We all had a chance to take a ride, which the kids were very excited about. (Don't worry mom we wore helmets. The following pic was staged so they didn't have them on.) I even got to take a lesson on Mwanza"s bike since it was more my size. That was both exciting and a little nerve wracking.

It was nice, once again to get out of the city and the apartment for a few days. It was cool to hear the bush babies calling during the night. The kids were thrilled to play in the corn fields and sleep in the tent. Alaina had a few dogs to play with so she was in dog heaven. We played cards, monopoly and even fought colds. Our Christmas was very relaxing and outside the normal American tradition. On Christmas day there is a special Christmas service, which we did not attend, and then the day is spent enjoying each other and the gift that Jesus is to us. No presents were exchanged only words of love and the gift of relationship.

You all are a blessing to us and to me. I hope that as the new year approaches we can remember that people are more important than things and that tomorrow is a new day. These are things I also need to remember. I am blessed by all of you in my life and by this chance to experience something new. We are being changed and I pray the change continues, especially when it gets hard. Just pray that I will have the strength and the courage to step outside of myself and experience life, in relationship with others. Have a safe new year!! My love to you all.

A Bright Christmas

Over the last few years I have come to dislike the Christmas season, I know, Bah-humbug!! There are several factors to this feeling which I don't really feel I need to get into. This year it didn't really feel like Christmas was coming, came or existed. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The weather here was warm and sunny. It seemed a little out of place to see Christmas decorations and even santa at the nearby mall where we do most of our shopping.

Here is Kenya they have second hand markets, called Mitumba (me-tomb-ba). Brian was able to find some gifts for our kids there. Others he collected at shops around town. On Wednesday we packed up the family and headed downtown to pick up a Christmas tree, some last minute gifts, a tour of Brian's work and a bible for me. This was both a fun and disturbing experience. On our way from the archives to the bookstore a man trailed closely behind me. Unbeknownst to me he slashed the small pocket of my backpack. Zoe scolded him and as I turned to look he disappeared. This fellow was probably disappointed to find a small packet of kleenex, hand sanitizer and a small bottle of tylenol. Not the bounty he was expected from this mzungu. Needless to say I felt violated, and angry. I was ready to beat the crap out of anyone else who tried to take my tissue.



Our Baobob tree with a lone ornament

 The rest of the afternoon was spent wrapping presents, packing and shopping for our trip, and wrangling kids. After a late dinner we set up the tree and the presents for an American style Christmas. It was nice to watch them open their presents and see how excited they were about them. Even though they didn't get a ton of stuff they all exclaimed that this was the best Christmas ever. While I did miss my family I was happy to not have to run all over the place and emphasize over and over again that Christmas is NOT about getting presents.

I think I will stop here and write another post about the next phase of Christmas.

Habari za Safari?

Looking out over the Great Rift Valley

Our rig at our get away

I have so many pictures I want to post I might have to do two, one for writing and one for pictures. I will try to use some restraint. I suppose my Internet connection could provide that restraint for me, depending on how long it takes to upload things.

On Monday morning the six of us packed up and headed out to Lake Naivasha. We were all excited to get out of the city (and the apartment) for a few days. The drive didn't take very long but was a refreshing precursor to the next step of our trip. On the way we passed the viewpoint for the Great Rift Valley. This rift runs from Lake Malawi all the way to Israel. We got a great view of Mt. Longonot, which is a volcano in the valley. Brian also went to school in the valley during his time here.



Mt. Longonot

  After arriving and getting set up in our little place. The kids ran around meeting new people and exploring what must have seemed a huge expanse of land. We arrived on the holiday known as Jamhuri which is Kenya's Independence Day. There were a number of people camping and having picnics. We had people asking to have their picture taken with Zoe. She is quite the celebrity here. We spent the afternoon relaxing, checking out monkeys and bird watching.



Colobus Monkeys



Maribu Stork - Super Ugly

Tuesday we went on Safari through Hell's Gate National Park. I'm not sure who enjoyed it more me or the kids. We saw ostrich, tons of warthogs, Thompson gazelle, grants gazelle, impala, hardibeest, zebra, giraffe, guinea fowl, some baboons who were eager to eat our lunch and a number of birds we failed to identify. It was fun to drive around and look at the country side and the animals. I know I've said this before but I really like giraffe!! If it takes too long to upload I may post some animal pictures later.

Okay, so it looks like my giraffe will have to wait... :(

The rest of Tuesday we just lounged. That spilled over to Wednesday morning. It was lovely to just sit and read. I enjoyed listening to the birds calling by day and the frogs croaking at night with the occasional hippo call. It was refreshing to be outdoors and not stuck in an apartment building staring at the parking lot. I have to include though that I am NOT a fan of bugs. We were attacked by mosquitoes, my spider radar was going crazy and the last day we were there we had a couple bouts with the safari ants. Poor Alaina got the brunt of the attack. Lucky for us they didn't come in our rooms during the night.

Wednesday afternoon the kids and I went for a swim in the pool at the neighboring camp site. It was nice to wash some of the dust off and swing the girls around the pool. After we all got nice and cold from the water we had ice cream just to make sure we were freezing. After we finished we looked into renting one of the boats so we could go on hippo safari. The price was pretty steep and we opted not to go. An American girl and her two Aussie companions had rented a boat and we asked if they would mind an extra passenger. Since Jasper's favorite animal is hippo we sent him out on a solo journey. Upon his return he was talking a mile a minute. He had several photos of the hippos and was very thankful. That night after the kids had gone to sleep Brian and I heard the hippos calling. We got Jasper out of bed and headed down toward the water. There we saw two very large hippos grazing. This particular camp had electric fences set up so we at least had that separating us. For those of you who may not know this hippos are extremely dangerous and have been known to bite people in half. Gruesome, I know.

Thursday morning we packed up camp and headed back to the city. As I was watching the countryside and the people who live there I was finally struck by how different life is here from in the U.S. I realized that if I had grown up here obviously I would only know life the way it is. I wouldn't look at it and think "how can people live like this?". I was comforted to know that when I go home I will have even more luxuries than I have now and then I was overcome with guilt. I have so much and I take it for granted every day. I am bitter and unsatisfied with no reason to be. I am fortunate to not live in poverty, to have food and water every day, and to have a roof over my head that doesn't leak. I live in a clean area with proper sewage and garbage disposal. 

When we arrived home I had a layer of dust covering every inch of my body. At any point in time the air is saturated with dust, smells of diesel and rotting garbage. There are also sweet smells of flowers, though I should mention that my sense of smell is going away so I do not catch everything. This both a blessing and a curse.

I have had to work through a number of emotions this week. One could say that the only reason I struggle so much with emotions is that I am female. I'm sure that's true to some extent. I have always been fairly emotional and highly sensitive. I over analyse and keep things bottled up. I have decided it would be nice to have a change in my mental thought processes and insecurities. I guess those things will be sorted out once I leave this life. Something to look forward to I suppose.

I miss you all very much! I am blessed by you all in my life! I hope that you all have a Merry Christmas. I am not sure when the next post will be. Sending my love!!

State of Denial

Tonight we said good bye to Laura. As I type she is sitting in the Nairobi airport waiting for her flight to the U.S. It was a blessing to have her with us for a short time. I learned so much about myself and also saw the benefit of some of the things we have done as parents.  I will miss having her around to talk to and the kids will miss her too. See you in five months!

So, I think I should say I am in a slight state of denial. I have a number of demons lurking around waiting for the right time to sneak up on me and pounce. This week I have been confronted by a number of things that have made me turn into a beast of sorts myself. I am convinced of the fact that I just am not a nice person. To those of you who have known me for a long time you can probably confirm that. I think I am particularly unpleasant to myself. We are all our own worst critics, right? I found myself thinking today that I wanted to be changed while I am here but now I am wondering what that will look like. My hope is that I will be a closer reflection of God's grace and love than I am at the moment.

To a majority of people here Brian looks like Jesus...or Chuck Norris. People are constantly making comments about his likeness to Yesu in Swahili assuming he doesn't understand. Brian takes a sort of pleasure from this and tells people he is John the Baptist coming to tell them that Jesus is coming. On the other side they think he is Chuck Norris. One man made a comment to his friend, again in Swahili, that he had a picture of this guy on his wall, he wears a bandana on his head. Most people think he is an Israeli but he has also been mistaken for a Spaniard. It is fairly entertaining to me.

I was telling Brian the other day that my reality has changed drastically. This thought came about as I was setting up the water filter on the counter. Everyday we boil one or two large pots of water for ten minutes and then pour that in a filter that sits on the counter. This way we have drinkable water. We have a clothes washer, fortunately, that takes two hours to wash a load. After it is finished I hang up all the clothes on the cables that are strung across the room to dry the clothes. I can sometimes do two to three loads in a day. Generally speaking it takes almost twenty four hours for the clothes to dry. We have five bathrooms in this house. At home we had one. We have decided to use one as a storage room in hopes that no one will use it and I won't have to clean it. Every time we do dishes or want to take a shower we turn on one of the two switches that control the water heaters. We learned a few weeks after we were here to leave the switch for the water pump on. For a while we didn't have any water...  We have less stuff so in some ways it is far easier to keep things in order. Taking care of the things I mentioned fills that space wonderfully. I am starting to think that maybe when I get home I will only bring a few toys back into the house. Its amazing how well the kids have done without all their toys and technology.

We get to head out for a bit this week so the next post should be far more interesting with a number of pictures. I miss you all. I am blessed by you in my life!!!

Life is Life

  I had thought that after the first few times the monkeys visited the kids would be disinterested. I was wrong. Everytime one is spotted a buzz goes pulsing through all the kids. They excitedly run around asking if they can have bananas to feed them. They are trying desperately to catch one in spite of being warned of the dangers. In an effort to give them an up close look we have taken to giving a few pieces of fruit out the kitchen window. I'm sure our neighbors adore us...

When I was five I gave my little sister a haircut. This week I decided to test my barber skills on Alaina. I have grown tired of fighting with her about washing and brushing the knots out. I love how cute she looks with long hair but until she takes care of it herself mommy voted for short. I was quite surprised by the outcome. I must say I have improved vastly since my first attempt. Katie, thank you for being my first victim, I mean practice model.

Our new friends were curious as to why I would cut her hair. They were also very encouraging about the final outcome. They inquired as to whether I was going to cut my hair and when. The older boys have told me a number of times that they really like Zoe's hair. They also think, because of her fair skin and light hair, that she looks like a doll.

At any given time I have up to 10 kids in and out of my house. At times I have found it challenging. I have wanted to lock the doors and shut the curtains. I am stepping out of my mental comfort zone more often than I do at home in that regard. If one of my kids wants a snack while the friends are over everyone gets a snack. The kids cannot go outside with food in their hands unless they have enough for all their friends. We have had random children stick around to see what is for lunch and sometimes dinner. If they are there they get fed something.

This week has seen a lot of emotional turmoil in both the kids and myself. The kids are out playing with these kids every day. Like I mentioned before kids are in and out of the house all afternoon. Personal space is almost null and void. In some ways the kids enjoy the freedom they have here to go play at friends houses and to have them over. Sometimes it is just too much. I have witnessed the kids here directing my kids in how to behave properly. I have also seen how rough the play can be. It has really opened my eyes to how "soft" we are as a people and a culture. I have been challenged in knowing when to step in and when to stay out of it. I have been asked by my children why I care more about their friends then I do for them. I have been fighting feelings of lonesomeness and in a sense cabin fever. I am not a bold person. I don't put myself out there with confidence. It is extremely challenging and lends to the feelings I just mentioned. I am constantly working on that and trying to convince myself I am stronger and more confident than I am.

I have been enjoying the sunshine and the lack of a set (crazy) schedule. I miss my family and my friends. I am blessed by all of you in my life!! I am blessed by this chance to step out of my comfort zone and experience a new way of life. I still think I will be challenged when we have to go home. Life is one crazy double-edged sword. My love to you all! I hope your preparations for Christmas go smoothly!!

SO Much to be Thankful For

We had a wonderful opportunity to host an American style Thanksgiving feast at our home here. Earlier in the week I checked the nearby grocery for a turkey with no success. I ended up buying three chickens instead. The day before we were to begin cooking Brian and I headed out to the City Market where we asked about a kulu kulu. The part we were in consisted of animal meat hanging in windows our just out on display, an open air butchery if you will. The smell of raw meat was a little overwhelming for this soft American. At first we were told there were no more turkeys to be found, only parts could be purchased. We stepped outside and as we waited for our cab driver one of the gentlemen sidled up to Brian and mentioned he could find a turkey for him. He made a phone call and then as if conjured up from a secret passageway an old man carrying a bag rushed past us. He and Brian disappeared back into the city market. A seven kilo frozen turkey was magically found and we now had ourselves a Thanksgiving staple. Now our only hope was that the power would stay on during the four hours it would take to cook this bird.

We invited the Bakkers, missionary friends, as well as Peter Ondeng and his lovely wife May to join us. I don't think I have been involved in a conversation so thought provoking in a long time. We discussed everything from the good and the bad that goes on in Kenya and Africa as a whole. We talked about Kibera and Niger. I was completely aware of how extremely fortunate and blessed I am. My heart was deeply touched. I was amazed at  how easy the group got along and how comfortable everyone felt. I was blessed beyond my wildest dreams by this gathering! Despite living in the U.S. for several years the Ondengs had never had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

Brian and I spent an hour or so at the Embassy on Wednesday signing papers and having them notarized in order to finalize the refinance on our house in the States. We got word earlier this week that the property manager found three guys to rent our house at least for the month of December. I hope and pray that we will have someone in there for the rest of the time we are here.

We looked at two vans to purchase and got a heads up on a few others. Yesterday some missionary friends who are going on furlough to the U.S. offered the use of their very large Land Rover. We now have a vehicle and will basically only have to cover the cost of maintenance.

Over and over again I am amazed by the way God has provided for us. Although we have been here a little less than a month I have learned SO many things about myself and the love God feels for me. I have been struggling so much with really random emotions. I find that I am already thinking about the struggle my family and I will have in going back to the States. There are so many things here that I have come to love and have found value in. While we may not always have power or water we always have each other. I am blessed by my family and by the experience we are having. I do miss my multi grain cheerios but I love the fresh fruit and the sweet flavor you don't get in the States.

I love the friendships my children have formed and the comfort there is in knowing they are safe. I like being able to send them out without wondering if they will be stolen from under my nose. I like that I am comfortable letting them go from one apartment to the other without fear of what (or who) they are being exposed to. The kids care for each other in a way they don't in the states, they respect elders unlike in the states. They teach each other and they have taught me too.

Please continue to pray for Brian's research work. Pray that he has a good system and that the information is available. So far he has been surprised at the swiftness that things have happened. Please pray for wisdom and grace while we make some decisions over the next week in regard to our living situation. I am blessed by all of you in my life. I am SO very thankful for all of you. I miss you very much. I am also glad I don't have to be there for the crummy weather... :)

Giraffe Tongues and Car Sales

This weekend saw a few more adventures. On Saturday our crew had the pleasure of meeting the Bakkers. This couple worked with my bonus parents here in Kenya for several years. I should start by saying that Saturday morning Brian and I went to the store to get a couple things. On the way home  a gentleman who was walking in front of us fell to the ground and had a seizure. Brian moved him to the side of the road and stayed with him to make sure he was okay. He had a very sad life story to share. It made me put in perspective the things that happen in my life and how fortunate we are to have medicine, and work. Before we met with our friends we were able to help this young man get medications for the next week.

The six of us, Laura stayed home, piled into the car and headed out to lunch. On our way to eat we made an impromptu stop at one of the Giraffe orphanages. The kids and I had a blast taking turns feeding these giant, majestic animals. Their tongues felt almost like slimy Velcro. Once Jasper figured out they would eat the little pellets from the top of his head he couldn't get enough. His hair was coated in Giraffe slime. I have come to like giraffes more and more!

Several of the eating establishments are outdoors and provide areas for kids to play. I find this aspect of dining out both amusing and wonderful! If it were warm enough at home I would open a restaurant just to build a huge play place. The dining experience is much more pleasurable for the adults. Another difference in culture is that here the older children take very good care of the younger ones, without having to be asked and without moaning and groaning. It is something our kids could greatly benefit from learning. I think it would make us more responsible people. It would serve us well to be more relational in the sense of community than we are. Our schedules at home and feelings of independence do not lend to a society focused outwardly, not inwardly. I am as guilty of this as the next so please do not take offense.

Sunday we had another visit from the Vervet monkeys. The kids had a blast watching them climb the trees, over the fence and also by the windows in our kitchen. We set out the last of our papaya in order to get some pictures. Later we bought more of the wonderful fresh fruit and veg that I love SO much! All that we bought totaled $30. The stuff in this picture would have been at least that if not more back in the states. I haven't included the vegetables.

Brian and I went out that afternoon to look for a vehicle. In essence we are helping to buy a car that we will rent from Mutisya. We found several vans that would work and also Brian's dream car; a 1976 short bed Land Rover. The price is extremely low and the car is in working order. Both of us have been thinking about it all night. This morning Brian mentioned calling about it. Ideally we would transport it back to the states, but we will see.

This morning Brian and I took a short run. It was nice to get out, move my legs and spend a little bit of time with my hubby. I also needed a bit of stress relief. I still find it challenging from time to time to have to delegate duties. In some ways I think I expect that things will get done and that I am not the only one that sees all the things needing to be done. I remember being a teenager but not very well. At 18 I had already been out of the house for two years. In some ways I think we are doing a disservice to our young friend as this is not what it would be like in a college atmosphere.  We are blessed to have our help and she has been a huge help thus far. I just need to get over my selfishness and sense of entitlement.

I ask that you continue to pray for our life here and for Brian's research stuff. We are blessed to have you all in our lives. I will send warm weather thoughts to you all. :)

Loss Of Control

Some of the kids' playmates

The connection as I write this is extremely slow. I may have to add more pictures later.

This week we finally got our curtains. What a huge difference it makes! I no longer feel like our family is on display. Since we are in the ground floor apartment at night the lights from the parking lot flooded my bedroom. I wondered if the watchmen, whose station is directly across from the bedroom window, could see when I had to get up in the middle of the night. Brian tried to convince me otherwise but I couldn't bring myself to believe him.

Brian and I went out to one of the second hand markets to find some household items. It was nice to have some time with just the two of us. It was also nice to move my legs for a few miles. I have been feeling the itch to run. I do believe the lack of physical activity is getting to me. I suffer a bit more in the insecurity and patience areas when I am stationary. I am desperate to run. I can't have my running shoes gathering dust. Also, if I don't run now I can't race later and I would feel silly for not taking the opportunity to run the Kili Half Marathon while I am here.

I find it challenging to give up control of everyday things. Back at home I do it all myself. I do not know how to properly delegate duties without feeling like a parent. Which in itself has provided challenges. The lack of a regular schedule also does not help. We plan to figure something out this weekend. We have decided to home school both boys as it will provide more financial room for us to do traveling while we are here. There are enough families with young kids in our apartment complex that socializing will be no problem. Also once we establish a church the kids should meet more playmates.

More and more things are feeling like home. It has been a challenge for Brian to live in Nairobi as it is not the Kenya he grew up with. Though it is a lot like the U.S. it does have some significant differences. I hope to post pictures of the second hand market as well as the place where we do most of our shopping. You will find that it is very much like what you would see at home.

I miss my family and my friends. In some ways it is very lonesome. Alaina still asks to come home everyday. Do not get me wrong, I am enjoying my stay here. I find a number of things that I enjoy and will miss when we leave. Have I mentioned the fruit and the price of the food? I hope this finds you well! I am blessed by all of you in my life. Thank you for your love, thoughts and prayer. You are also in our thoughts and prayers!!

What is an Hour?

I am thinking this should be done a little more often. We have had another exciting week here in Nairobi. On Tuesday we moved in to our apartment. Which meant that our suitcases and our bodies came to inhabit the space. Lucky for us just as it got dark and all the kids were ready to settle in to bed Brian showed up with mattresses and blankets. Wednesday we waited for money to come over the wire so we could purchase furniture and other household items. In the meantime Brian and I spent the day gathering plates, bowls, cooking utensils and towels. Not to mention a thing or two to nibble on. I was struck by the fact that this apartment really is bigger than my own home and has four more bathrooms. By late Thursday we had most of the furniture in the apartment. The beds for both the boys and the girls are being made as I type and should, God willing, be here by tomorrow. We picked out fabric for curtains which were to be here yesterday. In Kenya time that could mean today or tomorrow.

Our visitor. This was taken from the kitchen.

The pace of life is far different than that at home. I have found that the stress I carry in my neck and shoulders at home has all but disappeared here. This is something I hope to bring home with me. That and a willingness to be more hospitable, especially in my own home.

On Friday another Mzungu from upstairs invited me and the kids to a play date at a local cafe. The place was not your average get together for moms but very relaxing. I should mention that a number of women here have house help. This person not only does the cleaning but often will do the cooking and looks after the kids. While I have essentially brought my own help I find it hard to give up control. Aside from that Zoe has a hard time giving up my arm...

On Saturday our family along with Mutisya, Beth and their daughter Mwende went out with intentions of visiting Nairobi National Game Park. Instead we ventured through the Animal Orphanage that was in the park. The kids enjoyed seeing all of the animals, though I think Laura had the best time.

Sunday we had the privilege of going to church with Mutisya and Beth. The church service was very similar to something you would experience at home. The message was a powerful one on the importance of not becoming too concerned with our sense of entitlement and to use ourselves to serve others.  Before the service even started I was in tears.

In my last post I made a reference to The Black Dog. Before we left our friend Tim explained to me that in South Africa they have a term for the emotional crash that comes after the emotional high, that term is "The Black Dog". I have been anticipating its arrival since a week before we left. On Saturday I was overcome with feelings of inadequacy as a parent, a wife and most importantly God's servant. This is not a new feeling for me and it stayed well into Sunday. I was encouraged by the fact that God will help lift my burdens. I need to remember that there are more important things in life than what I look like, how my children act and how capable I seem. I know I will struggle with those feelings again but I know I have someone to turn to.

Now that things have settled a bit more I find so many things that I love about being here. The food, particularly the fruit and vegetables, are fresh and sweeter than home. Not to mention SO much cheaper! I love the sun and the millions of people walking. I look forward to going to the second hand markets and picking out fabric for curtains back home. I look forward to sharing more of life "on the other side of the world" with my family and friends.

I ask that you would pray for Brian as he begins digging in to his research. I ask that you would continue to pray for the girls to adjust to life here. Please pray about a school for Jasper and activities outside of our home for Laura. Pray that we continue to adjust to each other and that our household is full of grace and love. I am blessed by all of you in my life! I would love to pray for you as well. Sending our love!!!