For the last ten or so years I have had to file for an extension on my taxes every year. This year got wind that we would be getting a chunk of change for our return. We discussed what we should do with this years "reward". I did not mention the kitchen because I figured it was out of the realm for this year. To my surprise Brian said we should do the kitchen. I was cautiously excited. We got serious in our discussions and finally decided to splurge on an IKEA set up. Lucky for us we made the decision when they were having a sale. :) We bought our cabinets, hardware and counter top with enough to spare for the floor.
We started deconstruction two and a half weeks ago.
True to form I have turned this process into some sort of life application. I have been scrutinizing myself, my thoughts, reactions, behaviors, etc by using the kitchen as an example. I have actually learned quite a bit, surprisingly enough. After we got the kitchen to the bare bones I started to have second thoughts about our decision. Pretty typical? I wondered if we had really made the right choice in how to invest our refund. Did I really NEED a new kitchen? Could I have done something beneficial to someone else? Should we have put it towards the mortgage? I have become convinced of the idea that its okay to have desires and to actively pursue them, I think God wants that. If it becomes something that replaces Him, then we have crossed the line.
I also realized a couple other things. My house is a mess. Even if I clean it still seems cluttered. I was reminded of something a therapist told me many years ago, "You can tell the state of your life/mind by the state of your room/house". I was starting to feel that clutter spread not only to the other rooms in my house but to my head. This also leads to issues with food...
Finally I was struck by this idea that while we want change, particularly in habits or mentalities, when we get down to the bottom of it we are a bit scared. If we aren't careful we can get stuck feeling bitter, discouraged at our progress, or put out by inconvenience. If we are able to embrace the stripping down, preparing the foundation and then building back up we can learn to adapt, use what we have and realize that while it is not as simple it is possible. We can take excitement in the process and enjoy seeing the progress.
I won't have a real floor until sometime next week and the rest of the kitchen will takes several more weeks. But as we move slowly through this process I take heart that it will be over and we will have survived. My hope is that my house will be a place people feel comfortable in. That I will be more likely to host and not just for dinner. My desire is to build relationships over a cup of coffee. To be more organized in my meal planning and prep. To have a place my family enjoys meeting in for meals.
For now, I am trying to stay positive and somewhat organized. I am also seeing how everything in life comes down to our attitude and our perceptions. At one point Brian told me, "You now have a true missionary kitchen" I was half tempted to leave it that way... This experience has taught me to really examine my desires and my choices. To a smaller extent I did that with other choices, do I really need that gadget/shirt/book or do I just want it because its cool.
I love our little house. Will I change other things in the future? Probably but for the most part this house is just right. I am blessed to even have it. Next, to become comfortable in this body.
